I’m looking for volunteers to go over the wall and ride headlong into Victoria. Proposed 4 day mission to be executed during the 5 day window of opportunity, 7th Jan – 10th Jan.
Candidates must be true of heart, steeled in spirit and cast iron of gut.
Applications in triplicate to Minister of Rides.
Short answer, somewhere else. In fact no girls came. No Care-Flight helicopter required either. You see it was three years ago that seven rode out and only six came back. Remember? Tajna, on that Harley-Davistown Limited Edition Soft-tail, went belly-up on the Thunderbolts Way near Nowendoc and then had to be flown to John Hunter Hospital. She always said it was a freak accident but I think she just spotted a pretty cow in a pasture and the bike merely followed her gaze……down the embankment , over the fence, and next to that same cow. She wasn’t killed or anything so we laughed pretty heartily about it. The Soft-Tail ( I’m referring to the bike (THE MOTORCYCLE)) was eventually written off, leaving the remaining ten million of them even more limited and, therefore, I suppose, more valuable.
Lovely. So, since neither Ant nor Tajna were available for the ride, given his commitment to looking after his daughter and her commitment to staying the hell away from him, we only took five: Sideways, Nige, Lucky, DD, and Moey. It was good to see new skinny Nige with half a dozen new holes in his belt to accommodate his healthy shrunken girth. Sideways wanted to know why he was on the GSA instead of his Ninja, “You ridin’ like a pensioner now mate?” He asked and we all laughed at that and slapped Bobby on the back and everything.
Sideways was into Nige the moment he sat down.
This time we headed out towards Singleton and stopped at Wollombi where we met “Rocket Rod” – at least that’s what it said on his number-plate. Rod was pretty excited to see us and wanted to show off his new/old Honda VFR which he got “For a bargain dontchya reckon guys? Only paid 5 grand cash for ‘er” “How many kays it got” one of us asked. “Dunno, about free hundred fousand I fink. Whazzat got ta do wif anyfing?” He was a gem.
Yep, they call me the Rocket cos I’m the Rocket cos I go real fast eh!
DD had earlier arrived at Maccas with a rear tyre that was as flat as Rodriguez’ singing. Yeah my friend Sam saw him in concert this year and said he was “Painful to listen to.” so don’t get mad at me. Anyway, a prayer or a novena or something plus some air in it and it looked like it was okay. I’ll get back to that. We stopped at Maccas in Singleton where the boys had bran muffins and talked endlessly about their various miracle cures for this and that and preventative grains for staying regular or something. They wouldn’t have looked out of place knitting socks while they were there.
I think they have some magic seeds called queer-nah or something in them.
We eventually found our way to Gloucester where, getting back to the DD story, his front tyre was now pretty ordinary as well. “Jeez fellas I can’t believe the big fella upstairs would set me this challenge when I just wanted a weekend away.” Fortunately, on closer inspection, it turned out he’d just left his angle-valve still attached after the last time he’d topped up. “You ripper” he exclaimed. “Thank you Lord. You’re a champion.” But God hadn’t finished enveloping DD with his loving protection. More on that later.
Aw Jeez I’m a silly sausage!!
And on we went to the Thunderbolts Cafe for lunch. DD and Nige had the biggest meals ever and both reckoned they were dreadful.
“I can’t eat this. It’s inhumane to expect me to.”
” I’d rather be eating tofu”
So, after that debacle, out along Thunderbolts we went and landed in Walcha about 4ish. Except, that is, for Sideways who had earlier left Gloucester like a scalded cat and had gone so fast he broke the space-time-continuum and arrived the day before yesterday. Lucky led the rest at a more leisurely pace and happily avoided the radar after Nowendoc. “What are ye doin Lucky. Ye don’t have to slow down to 60 for #$@%’s sake. The speed limit is a hundred ya know”. “Sorry Nige, won’t happen again” a chastened Lucky replied knowing he had only slowed to about 95 anyway.
We all wandered off to the RSL club where Nige signed in as Valentino Rossi from 1 Italy Street. (Next day he signed in as Markey Marquez of 19 Spain Rd and hoped the rissole club would rue the day they lost a perfect marketing opportunity when these MotoGP heroes visited their club) He’s a rascal. We had a few beers here but were disappointed to find out they wouldn’t be serving dinner because they had no cook.
No food!! But I’ll get an upset tummy on just this beer.
Nuh. No worries. There were free nuts.
We did eventually stumble to the Apsley Hotel for dinner and then back to the Walcha Motel. Sideways forgot his medication so was in considerable pain which meant he couldn’t do the Gingers Creek ride next morning and Lucky must have eaten a poisoned nut because he was unwell and stayed in his room as well. At least it gave him time to write his memoirs.
And there’s Lucky writing his memoirs.
The ride to Gingers was excellent by all reports and DD, who led, was flashed twice, there and back, by the rozzers to slow down. Anyone else would have been shot through the leg as a warning but not DD. None of us know how he does it but he appears pretty serene about the whole thing and how come he never gets booked, “As if ” is all he will say with a little glance skwards. As for that bike of his; it blows more smoke than the Marlborough Man, has all sorts of odd bits falling off it willy-nilly, uses more oil than a porn scene fluffer, and has tyres with less air in them than Yul Brynner’s lungs. “I still love the old girl but.” He maintains, “She’s a ripper and an absolute champion.” Meanwhile, earlier, Nige had gone wandering around Walcha looking for pornography. And he found it.
I think it’s from the “Arthur Summons and Norm Proven: their happiest moments ” collection. But I’m not sure.
Sunday afternoon was the big race and we gathered at the RSL. Some big fat guy was watching the cricket but the barmaid had promised the screen to us the day before. Nige took action, ” Excuse me but you said we had the big screen to watch the races so could you change channels now. Thanking you!!” She replied “No I can’t he’s watching the cricket” “Well tell him to bugger off” “I can’t” she said “Why not?” He said. “Because he’s the president of the club” She said. “Oh for #$%@’s sake” He said and added, “Well I’m the president of the Nige Motorcycle outlaw gang, and this is my posse” pointing to where we had all just been standing. We were actually hiding behind the chocolate wheel in case trouble started. “Oh for #$%@”s sake you lot come out here.” But we were pretty comfortable right where we were. Luckily, the fat president, oblivious to the shenanigans, chose that moment to head off home and, with a cheery wave to us all, bade us a good night and a safe journey home.
The race was run and won (Lucky won the cash prize for picking the winners) and we had Chinese food at the New England Hotel. A pretty early night where Nige suggested it was time for us all to rub one out. Most blokes would just say goodnight.
When Nige wandered off to the bathroom we all discussed the idea of ordering breakfast early in our rooms next morning and then leaving promptly at 7 to beat the heat. “Oh for #$%@’s sake” was all he had to say when he found out. We ate at the Amora cafe and left at 8.30.
“Oh for #$%@’s sake Lucky. Take a picture of the presidents bike. Its over there.”
“Yes of course Mr President” Here is The Mighty GSA .
It was about ten degrees when we left Walcha so we rugged up warmly. When we passed Carson’s Lookout it quickly became very warm and by the time we reached Gloucester, which had reached about a hundred and thirty five degrees, we were hot as. Anyway we stripped down fort the final leg.
I’m wearing everything that was in my bag. About thirty six layers. Good to go.
From Gloucester to home was uneventful but hot. Nobody pointed out how much cooler it might have been had we left a bit earlier. Best of all, five went out together and five came home together. And as for the “Where’s Tajna Memorial Ride” part of our adventure – Well to be honest we forgot to stop at the point of impact to pay our respects. Actually, none of us were real sure where it was anyway.
That last ride to Victoria was great but wasn’t quite perfect so we decided to do it again. Mohawk, who had organized everything told us to meet at Maccas at 7AM for an early start. I was still in my jimjams at five-to so had to scarper to get there on time ” Pretty sure Bright’s on the agenda DD ” said Sideways, once we’d all gathered at Maccas, but DD was not to be fooled twice in the one year. “Look fellas, if it happens it happens and that would be glorious but, you know what, just being here with you blokes is good enough for me.” Yeah nice little guilt trip there which washed right over the top any of our collective and fairly limited thoughts. This time there were five: Mohawk, Sideways, Killswitch, Lucky, and DD. We wiped the last of the sleep out of our eyes and headed west.
Guess who we ran into at the servo in Mt Victoria!! It was that big bloke again. You remember him, he was the guy hoovering down all the cream buns and vanilla slices the last time we came through. ‘course you remember. He was the bloke who rode a KLunKer like Lucky’s but with solid rubber tyres and a swing arm made of a girder recovered from the Tasman Bridge disaster of 1975. He was corpulent. This time he draped himself in black which is nicely slimming and probably felt pretty pleased as he checked himself out that morning in his garage-door-sized mirror. “Oh yeah you look gorgeous. Wait’l the girlies at the Caltex see me now”
“These tables are always made too close to the back of the chair!”
Off we went and found ourselves heading towards Tarana. A nice windy piece of road where Lucky turned Goldenboy into the worlds fastest trailbike after rolling the front wheel sideways over a small stick on a left-hander. Dirt and dust and grass were all as surprised as lucky was to see him there but the mighty Busa punched through and eventually slowed enough to find its way back to the road without falling down. “How’s yer sphincter Lucky?” Killswitch, who had witnessed the unhappy event, enquired. “Yeah no great thanks. Wont slow me down.” It did. A lot.
We found our way into Tumut and stayed in the Woolpack Hotel that served beer and it was very good. My recollections of day 2 are a little vague. I remember Moey and Sideways checked their maps a few times and seemed to know where they were going. I also know we rode some twisty bits down into Victoria and I remember names like Batlow and Wangaratta but time got away from us a bit and we stayed a little short of our intended destination opting for Seymour instead. The Royal Hotel was pretty good though and we got to wander around and saw some old army tanks.
Could be here, could be there, just head south.
Johnny’s not real sure either.
One of the great pleasures of travelling with other blokes is the shout. When we were in Tumut on the first night, and after more than one shout each, it so happened that it was Lucky’s turn but everyone was tired and wanted to go sleepy byes. “OK no worries, I’ll shout next round tomorrow night” Brilliant!! Have you seen the beers they drink down there? Check this out.
“My nail polish bottle is bigger than this”
Here’s a close up.
“Why I could drink a thousand of these!!”
Look, it was a great victory for Lucky in Seymour. I think the whole shout was about a shilling. But getting back to those tanks. They are all over the town and apparently Puckapunyal is just down the road a bit. We had a good play with some of them and then had dinner at Subway. That was a bit ordinary but very nutritious..I guess.
There was this one.
…and there was this one too.
Next day was crazy. We rode up into the mountain ranges and into Maryville. The roads were great even though the high winds had scattered all matter of the local shrubbery all over them. Mohawk could’t understand why he had some trouble in tight right-handers and once again suspected the steering geometry of the muscle bike. Turns out a length of the local timber had somehow wedged itself between the exhaust pipes and stuck forward and beside the front wheel. Any attempts at turning to the right meant the stick was rubbing away his sidewall and preventing his wheel from pointing in the right direction. Sideways reckoned he could smell something burning for most of that section. It was found when we stopped at the highest point at some lookout. We also had lunch at some cafe called the Ten Bears where there were way more than ten.
A great view…of Goldenboy from the top.
“Let’s go. These bears are freakin’ me out”
Speaking of Sideways, which I now will, reminds me of his incredible powers of observation. All along the way he’d say “Did you see that old pre-eighteenth century barn on the ridge about half a kay off the road back there?” or “Did you see that Indian Myna Bird nesting three kays up that mountain back there. I think its beak was a bit twisted.” or when Johnny said he saw a piece of some plastic in a ditch next to the freeway Sideways said “Yeah it was part of a Navman GPS. Part number 638B was stamped on the side. Did you see it Moey?” Moey and Lucky exchanged pensive glances. “No” replied Moey, “I dont think so”. “Well what about you Lucky? you must have seen it.” “Ahhhm maybe, I saw something grey I think” “Yeah that was the road Lucky” DD helpfully added. “Oh. Right. There did seem to be a fair bit of it.”
There’s Sideways. He sees everything.
By the end of day three we were back in NSW. Culcairn seemed a nice place to stay and the pub was huge. Inside was another typical Aussie drinker called Billy. Now Billy was one of those characters who had a practiced reply to every comment the barmaid made. “Yeah c’mon over here love and I’ll give yer something to smile about” He drank and drank and drank. He lost about a million dollars in bets to the bar staff when Adam Reynolds kept missing conversions for Souths against Manly. The rooms were comfortable and the owner was a lovely lady who only charged us $40 for the night. Jackpot!!
There’s Mohawk. Lord of the manor
There’s Billy. They love ‘im in Culcairne you know.
Last day and we were ready to get home. Backroads up through Blayney saw the four of us head into Bathurst. Bell’s Line and home. 2500k of fun. Forgot to mention when we got to the Bright turnoff DD veered towards it heedlessly but that’s as close as we got. “Wait till the big fella upstairs finds out about your rotten behaviour you blokes” He said but, again, we never listened. We got close to the best riding ever but I think we might give it another go pretty soon.
Looking to repeat the ride to Walcha of a few years ago on the 19th 20th and 21st October. Leave Saturday morning and arrive early arvo for drinks. Ride somewhere Sunday morning but be back in time for at least the moto 2 and Gp at the RSL club. Let us know if you intend to come so we can book accommodation. BTW I haven’t forgotten the ride report for the great Victoria ride but waiting till normal internet speed resumes after our little boy used up all ours and we only have super low speed for another 4 days.
IMPORTANT NEW INFO
At this stage we have 5 definites: Moey, Lucky, DD, Sideways, and some other. Plus we might have Ajax join us on the Sunday mmmmmmaybe. I have tentatively booked six rooms at the Walch Motel because the pubs only had the odd room here and there. Price is $86 per night but the rooms have 2 single beds in them if you want to share. Alternatively, you could book a room at the New England Hotel as they do have a couple of rooms left. Can you let me know your intentions so I can advise the Walcha Motel of any cancellations.
Meet at Maccas Tuggerah at 8.30 Saturday morning for a 9 O’clock departure. There’s no rush and we should be there early afternoon.
Lucky.
Thanks to my fellow Niges for a great ride which saw us tackle some of the best roads in the country, despite some adverse conditions. Due to wild weather we missed some others but I will certainly be back to relive the magic. There isn’t much left of my rear tyre I must say. Even the big rd home wasn’t that bad… for a big rd. Great company, great pubs and grub and a great muscle bike… can life get any better?
To those lining up for Vic ride, it would be advisable to pack wet gear, some warm clothes and a spare pair of smalls. Thursday will see a few showers on route and cold morning set offs.
Let me know of any probs asap. see you all at Maccas Tuggerah at 7:15sish for 7:30 off..
So anyway we all decided since the weather was good and the roads were dry to retrace our steps to one of our favourite places. Nige bought along a new friend, Ajax, on a GS800 and he thought we were all “lovely, just lovely”.
That’s Ajax. The one not in traction.
Nige, Ajax, Ant, Sideways, Mohawk, and Lucky headed out right on the dot of nine. The road out to Wollombi was free of any real traffic so we were able to stick as a group pretty much all the way. We also didn’t ride absurd speeds and are watching our speedos a lot more carefully these days. Sometimes we go mad but not as much I don’t think. The Putty is as good as ever and we could still chew up the tyres a bit. Nige was on his GS but even the knobbys held on for some impressive cornering. The Greygums was crowded as usual but managed to feed us all lickety split.
We were actually a lot more animated than this.
I do feel marginalised at times but the cool menthol flavours are so worth it.
The ride back through Broke and Wollombi was fun and of course we stopped at Jerry’s for more coffee. We talked about the MotoGP ride for the 18th to 20th October. Ride to Walcha like a few years ago. More on that to come.
Wouldn’t mind a run down the Putty to Greygums on Sunday morning. Meet at Maccas 8.30 for a 9 start.
BUTT WEIGHT!
Four reasons only known to a select few, The ride will be ridden backwards!!!
Yeh verrily, First overnight at Tumut, 2nd at Maffra or surrounds, and then 3rd at Corowa or beyond.
Practise your backwards riding….
Moey
Beep! Beep!
The latest. Dates: Wed 25th 7:30 start from Tuggerah Maccas,
Day1 hopefully to Corowa (big day),
Day 2 on through Vic skirting Alpine Nat Parks to Bairnsdale or even Omeo (big day),
Day 3 Tumut and Boorowa,
Day 4 (Sat 27th) home.
This gives Lucky a day up his sleeve. Having trouble finding cheap accom in Vic as holidays and ski season prevail. Will persist.
In the event of this route looking a no go due to weather, eg snow, flooding etc, I will devise an alternate trip.
Regs Moey
UPDATE:
Planning is progressing with 4 day ride into Victoria looking the goods. About 2500 kms, so tyres need to be OK. The scenery should be great and a bit of BIG Rd on day one to get out of sight.
The new growth and flowers around Bright etc are spectacular.
Just waiting for Sideways to advise which 4 days are suitable as he has to miss some work. The ride will be scheduled around the middle week-end of the Sch Hols: ie 28th – 29th Sept.
Note: This is also the Vic school holidays. Once I have the days worked out, I will plan possible accommodation. In the meantime check out Lockhart, Ulana, Whitfield to Mansfield, Howqua to Eildon, Marysville to Warburton, Mt Donna — Buang Rd, Noojee, Rawson and the Mitta Mitta Rd.
Sorry I can’t post a map.
Moey
Only about 4 weeks until school holidays. Hopefully there may be a few Niges interested in a ride between Sunday 22nd Sep – Wed 2nd Sept. After Wed will probably be double demerits and holiday traffic.
I think at least 3 days to get out of sight, other-wise we might as well just ride around the Hills Hoist in the back yard.
Last ride to Mudgee and Armatree was good especially the pub stays.
Let me know when you are available. I can put a route together. Or some-one else can….. David will nominate Bright for sure.
Let me know asap
Regs
Moey
…was the last clear thought Lucky had as Grizzly came hurtling…yes hurtling!! over the handlebars of Lucky’s KLunKer last Sunday on what started out as a very pleasant ride over the dirt roads of Ourimbah Forest up to Jerry’s.
It all seemed so straight forward. A last minute decision with no real planning. What could go wrong? Neither had been drinking heavily so how did two middle aged handsome men end up sprawled across the road, bikes upside down, and full well knowing how worried their lovelies would be when they found out. Their jackets all dusty and with dirt on their pants.
Nevertheless, there we were riding up some dirt track that had been knocked about from all the heavy rains of late and heavily rutted. Grizzly was only about twenty metres ahead and to the left of Lucky when the front wheel of his DR slipped into one of those ruts throwing him sideways off the bike. Rolling and stumbling upright and straight into Lucky’s KLunKer. Heads cracked together over the windscreen and Lucky was down as well. No real damage to bikes or riders apart from a broken front brake lever on the DR. Its new colour-coded long-range petrol tank came in handy too and was able to spill heaps more fuel than a normal DR tank would.
Lucky ringing the police to have Grizzly arrested.
Grizzly appears nonplussed by the whole affair.
Anyhoo we picked ourselves up and congratulated each other on how well we dealt with the situation before continuing on to Jerry’s for the usual stuff. We went home a different way.
You wont be writing about this right?