NIGE Motorcycle Club

“Rollcall” Nige commanded as usual.

“Lucky”

“Present”

“Dusty”

“Yibbida yibbida”

“Very disrespectful Dusty but I see you’re here so I’ll let it slide” Nige said barely disguising his ire whilst glaring over the rims of his two dollar servo spectacles.

“Barnaby”

“Barnaby”

“Barnaby???”

“Never mind I can see you old pal” and Nige patted Barnaby, who was sitting next to him, in a fatherly manner, on the knee.

“That’s unwelcome physical contact Nigel” Barnaby replied sternly. “Get woke”

“Hey Nige.” Interrupted Lucky. “When is Moey coming back”

You see, Moey and Nige had gone on an unscheduled and unapproved ride without Lucky as ride leader self-appointed and, as a result, Moey had been side swiped by a full grown emu at unstated speeds whilst in the position of acting ride leader in Lucky’s absence. Lucky was in Queensland at the time on a family holiday. It was lovely. The crash was not.

“Well Lucky” Nige replied. “Moey had to have a radical emuectomy to remove the remaining bits of the giant bird out of his guts and then they had to put a whole new shoulder on board.”

“What, the emu got a new shoulder!! that’s humanity at its best Nige”

“NOT THE FRIGGIN’ EMU NUMBNUTS!! MOEY GOT THE NEW SHOULDER!! FOR FRIGGS SAKE. SERIOUSLY” Nige didn’t say frigg here. He speaks like a sailor sometimes. His language can be quite salty.

“Anyway, thanks to me and my bravery, Moey is still alive to tell the story and bless himself every day for having a good friend like me to save him” Nige stated proudly

“Did you give him mouth-to-mouth?” Lucky asked with a mixture of awe and admiration.

“No fuck that” “Nige quickly replied. ” I wasn’t going to make babies with him”

Lucky and Dusty and Barnaby looked around embarrassingly but chose to let that pass through to the keeper. And off we went. Nige and Barnaby led out and Dusty and Lucky settled in to a more relaxed rear guard. 

 

It was on to our usual pub at Denman for lunch where Nige ordered way too much because of his little tumtum and Lucky finished off a small piece of his spicy chicken because that’s what friends do. 

“you’ll owe me big time for this Nige”

 

Fairydust making some last minute adjustments to the mighty Bandit. Nige might need to adjust his rear wheel back to ground level too.

 

On to Bathurst where Nige and Barnaby did their usual lap of Mt Paranoia whilst Lucky and Fairydust headed directly to the Knickerbocker to make sure they got the freshest beers. 

Barnaby’s “Fresh” new look for the mountain.

” Right. This is pretty high up here. I’ll jump if those numbnuts haven’t got me my drink ready when I get there”

 

When Barnaby and Nige finally arrived they were welcomed with all the charm and Joie de vivre the other two could muster which wasn’t much.

“Right which of youse two numnuts have ordered me an ice cold Sugar Free Coke” Nige asked amicably.

“Yeah i did mate” Fairydust answered. “The barmaid said for you to wait over by the door and she’ll bring it over to you. She said to just wait there and be patient because she’s pretty busy”

“Yeah righto”

About forty minutes later Nige approached the bar tentatively ” ‘Scuse me madam beer lady but my comrades over there said you would bring me a Sugar Free Coke when you’re not so busy.”

“Did they now?” She smiled wryly. “These are good friends of yours then?”

“Yeah nuh but I have their respect and they see me as a commanding presence not to be trifled with” He said puffing out his chest as far as it would go which wasn’t far.

Under careful instructions from the barmaid, Nige went back to his spot by the door until, ten minutes later she called him to the bar for his Coke. 

“That barmaid was a bit slow serving me.” he told the boys ” How long did youse have to wait”

“Oh ages” Smiled Barnaby with four empty schooners lined up in front of him.

“Thought I’d die of thirst” Fairydust laughed and jovially slapped Nige across the back of the shoulders.

“Unky Momo would of gotten us beers real fast if he was still alive.” said a four beers in and hopelessly confused Lucky.

“He’s not dead Lucky” Nige growled at him “Somebody open this can will youse. I broke a cuticle on it already.”

So the conversation turned to Moey’s misfortunes and expectations he would return as soon as his dodgy shoulder recovered. Then it was dinner time.

    

Lucky’s first Parmy Schnitzel which he declared was, “Tasteless without Unky Momo to remind me how many chews between swallows”

 

More beers and then bedtime around 10. Lucky was yawning the house down by this time. “Good night everybody.” He yelled as he waved at the hundred or so patrons still hanging around the bar.

“GOOD NIGHT LUCKY. SLEEP WELL. GOD BLESS” They all yelled back as one. 

Next morning it was off home early. It was also cold. Fueled up and gone by 9 getting us back to Rylstone at 10. Enough fuel now for the trip home and tea and coffee. 

“Who are you texting now Lucky?” Demanded Nige. “Not more of your lovey dovey, miss you sweety, kissy kissy to Carole is it” 

“Yes marriage counsellor Nige” he replied happily. “And a quick update to Moey to let him know how much we missed him on the ride.”

“Barely noted his absence!!” Nige replied wandering off behind a tree to collect himself.

On his return Fairydust said “Wipe that slobber off your sleeve Nige. You’re with real men here.”

“I’m not” 

“Yeah alright Lucky. You’re the exception.” he kindly replied. “But the rest of us are”

“Geez thanks Fairydust. You’re just like Moey. You can be New Moey!” clearly brightening up.

“Nuh. I’m Fairydust! The realest real man here!! After Barnaby of course. He gives us street cred.”

Heading back the way we came but stopping at Bulga for an early lunch. Again we enjoyed the new section of freshly sealed road behind Denman where GSA’s and Tiger Explorers did not touch dirt at any time. “Rocky would hate this” Lucky mused as they cruised happily along. The servo at Bulga never lets anyone down and the chips and burgers were first class.

Tired? Whose tired?

 

Finally a few hours later we hit Jerry’s where Jerry could remind Nige once again that he isn’t his mate and he still had to pay full price for his coffee and no free muffin either.

“Hi Lucky, you always welcome heeya.” Jerry said “Whatchoo bring that man heeya for?”

All in all a good ride and no stray wildlife anywhere. Odds are that Moey took the hit for the gang and, statistically speaking, the rest of us should feel pretty comfortable from here on. Thanks Moey.