NIGE Motorcycle Club

It’s been raining. And raining. And raining. For months now. A lot of rides have been cancelled including Boris’ Snowy Mountain Run despite several changed dates and we were sick of it. So, finally, a two-day window appeared that promised clear skies for most of those two days. It wasn’t much but it was a chance. Boris was back in England by now, Rocky was up to his English armpits in meetings and Moey was having carpet laid. (That sounds a bit metaphorical but wasn’t) That left Nige, Dusty, Lucky and David as confirmed. On that basis, and the usual gentleman’s agreement implied handshake, Nige kindly booked four rooms on his credit card. Sadly, David’s eyeball imploded for some reason so he pulled out at the last minute and didn’t come. (That’s tautology right there. Oooh and also a bit metaphorically rude when you think about it.)

Anyway, we agreed to meet this time at the Turf Hut. Nice coffee and Sharne, the coffee girl, remembered Lucky and Dusty as her favourite teachers in high school. No offers of a discount however so we found that a bit disingenuous. “Right roll call” started Nige as usual.

“Present” replied Lucky without waiting for his name to be called.

“Not yet you idiot!!” Nige could barely suppress his anger. “LUCKY” He shouted.

“PRESENT” shouted Lucky back with just as much enthusiasm as before.

“FairyDust!!” Nige called, forgetting we don’t call the hard man that name anymore.

“Don’t make me kill you Nigel”

“Right. I’ll count that as here then” said Nige quietly.

Beaming sunshine accompanied us out past Jerry’s. Ride Leader Lucky (Self Appointed) spotted one of his old mates, Pete, coming the other way on his Hardly Davistown along Yarramalong Rd and waved exuberantly at him as they passed. “There’s Pete,” he told Dusty over the intercom. “He’s a good bloke.” But Big Pete was far too busy fighting the 300 odd kilos of oil dripping, petrol gulping, power lacking, misrepresentation of motorcycling to notice his old mate. “I’ll rouse on him next time I see him,” said Lucky to his wide audience of one. “He should have waved.” “I thought they only waved to other Hardly Davistown riders,” Dusty replied. “One day those walls will come down,” replied Lucky sombrely but didn’t really care either way.

Topped up at Broke as usual and headed on to Denman for lunch. Nige was starving and had a whole can of diet coke. Dusty had some delightful Arancini balls, and Lucky had a prawn fettuccini. All lovely.

Because the road out to Willow Tree was still belly up in the gully beside the mountain, we didn’t turn at Merriwa and kept north up to the right turn towards Coolah. A pretty decent pace and coffee at Coolah by 3. Now the kindly shopkeep was only too pleased to hold his closing time past 3 in the hope of gouging the city boys of their cash for all kinds of country treats. He was disappointed. However, we did meet old “Pothole” who was keen to tell Dusty all about his super-interesting life and all the different kinds of “Motee bikes” he may or may not have had over the years. Then he’d walk away and sit somewhere else then come back to resume his conversation to a politely disinterested Dusty whilst Nige and Lucky watched on. “Jeeezus Lucky, where do we find these people and why do they have to regale us with their rustic tales of woe?” Nige moaned “Is it just me? Or is it you? Do we look that desperate for the company?” “Well, it’s not me” Said Lucky. “He’s sucking the life out of Dusty though so we’d best head out.” Apparently, he was called Pothole because everyone in town tried to avoid him.

 

Putting that all behind us we headed on across the Breeza Plains and into Gunnedah. The light was fading a little by the time we arrived but parking around the side was easy and we headed for a lazy beer before dinner. We talked about manly things for a while and headed across the road for a late night Maccas coffee and apple pie. Due to some administrative error, Dusty got his drink, a thick shake from memory, for free and we cheered loudly and agreed we’d “Stuck it to the man.”

“Yeah man, we’re like a real outlaw motorcycle gang now” yipped Lucky, high-fiving anyone who’d high-five him back, which was no one.

“Don’t say “man” Lucky. We’re not hippies, we’re outlaw motorcylists and I’m the president” Nige said but was beaming with pride all the same at our new self-recognised-crazy-one-percenter image. “I might put real sugar in my coffee next time and not even blow on my hot apple pie before I bite into it”

“No Nige. Why that’s crazy talk! Think of the calories and the burnies if you did that” Lucky said with concern as the adrenaline rush faded.

“Yeah, Nuh. Maybe you’re right. But I could if I wanted!!”

Dusty, the real hero of this caper, licked his lips as the last of his ill-gotten chocolate thick shake disappeared. “And that boys, is how you do it!” So much street cred earned right there. Lucky threw another high five in his direction but Dusty was looking elsewhere so Lucky hit nothing but fresh air.

Anyway, after that, we headed off to bed and both Lucky and Dusty slept well. Nige must have still been buzzing with excitement because he reported very little sleep. He instead arose early and wandered the streets of Gunnedah taking pictures of things we had only heard rumours of whilst we were hidden away in the Gunnedah Hotel. Wondrous things. Shops.

“They were awesome boys. And you could park right out front. What a place!” He said, “And I found em on my wondrous journey.” Nige excitedly recounted when we met for breakfast.

“Yeah, I seen shops before” Yawned Dusty.

Breakfast in the main street in some little cafe was good. We’ve eaten there before so no surprises. We avoided the one where the cook went missing that time, Jack and Jill’s I think because Boris wasn’t there to express our disappointment at the poor service.

“I miss Boris,” said Lucky sadly “He always knew what to say and how to say it,”

“Yeah, Nuh I can yell at people too!!” replied Nige loudly, outraged at Lucky’s comment.

“Yes but Boris spoke words that didn’t offend everyone and didn’t throw his cutlery at the wait staff” Lucky pointed out. “He was a gentleman”

“Boris is still alive right?” Dusty interjected.

“Yes but he’s in England” Both Nige and Lucky said in unison, struggling to believe their own words.

“Poor bastard,” a shocked Dusty said and added in hushed tones “When did that happen?”

“Pretty recently,” said Lucky “We all knew that eventually he’d be gone. The signs were all there. We just never expected it to be so sudden.”

The men sat quietly for a few moments then, reflecting on the tenuous nature of being.

“Vale old mate” Lucky mumbled quietly.

“Shut up numbnuts,” Nige’s quivering voice said. “At least he’s still alive”

“Is he Nige? Is he?” said Dusty shaking his head sorrowfully.

Anyway, a sombre breakfast followed and a dark cloud still hovered over the three as they headed out to pack for the ride home. Literally. It was about to start pouring.

Did I mention it rained? Well, it did. A lot. Happily, Dusty and Lucky were wearing good wet weather gear and stayed dry all the way back past Denman despite the torrential conditions. Nige was not so lucky. At some point, he began complaining, no surprises there, that his foot was soaked. It turned out that his Rossi boots, to which he had some kind of emotional connection, that had had the sole glued back on several times, finally gave way under the onslaught of the monsoonal downpour and parted ways with the boot itself. Lucky and Dusty found this hilarious because it hadn’t happened to them.

We finally arrived back at Jerry’s around three for the usual teary farewells. We didn’t know it then but it turned out to be Nige’s last big ride on the old Beemer as a new shiny one with his name on it was slowly wending its way to Worthington BMW. Will he treat it with the same level of cruelty he showed his old one or will this one be given an occasional wash and some kind of shelter much nicer than lying sideways in a garden bed? We will see.

By the way, DD did settle his debt re the room payment to Nige under the Gentleman’s Agreement Bi-Law so will be permitted to maintain his active member status in the club.