NIGE Motorcycle Club

Boris had a plan. It was a good plan too. Rocky said he wanted to go to Mudgee to see the motorcycle museum there so invitations were sent out. Four rooms only at The Winning Post Motel right in the centre of town. Lucky had scored a room and Moey was a close second.

“Gentlemen” said Boris. “Gentlemen, I have organised luxury apartment rooms but there will be no riff-raff.” That pretty much wiped out any other Nige’s for a late call-up so it was agreed a compliment of four was just about right. “Yep, sounds good Boris” said Lucky. “Moey and I will fix you up for the rooms when we get there right Moey?”

“Tally-Ho” replied Moey which made no sense to any of us.

On the morning of the ride we were supposed to meet at Jerrys at 10.30 but Moey had problems from the start. “Meister, I’ve got problems with my water and Rex has new brakes and carby bits which need gentle care away from the wet roads of Kulnura” He said calling from his home in Wyee and the last remaining fixed land-line in Australia.

“Prostate?”

“No Lucky, my pipes not pushing through what it should and I need to scour the area for weaknesses and maybe a patch….” by which stage Lucky had forgotten why Moey called anyway but nodded politely even though Moey couldn’t see him at the other end of the line. “I might not get to Jerrys on time so I’ll meet you all at Denman.”

“OK Unky Momo, bring me a present.” He didn’t.

“Don’t forget you owe me money for those T shirts we bought in Bathurst Lucky. We had a gentleman’s agreement.”

“Got it here for you and will pay you at Denman” He did. Promptly.

It was pouring rain at Jerrys and Lucky had been waiting just a short while when Boris and Rocky rode in. Two other riders were there and one of them was carrying on like a pork chop about how great Trump had been for America and wasn’t it a shame that he was losing the elections.

“Really” pointed out Boris, bristling at the crazy republican, “Do you think he was good for America and its people?” which startled the redneck wannabe whose understanding of American politics seemed limited to what Fox News told him so he went away muttering something about him doing more for black America and stopping Covid in its tracks etc ” An American hero” we heard as he disappeared in a cloud of Versys smoke.

As those two departed Lucky nominated himself designated ride-leader “I’m in charge in Nige’s absence.” and off they went. Rocky was on his new GS1250 after trading in his old RR1000 after it hit a rock and dented its front rim. And that is how he got his name. Simple logic from the Niges once again. It rained heavily out through Wollombi but began to ease off around Broke where we fuelled up.

“Come on boys, Moey’s waiting at Denman!!” Called ride-leader Lucky as they headed off at a decent pace that saw blue skies begin to emerge as they skirted around the back of Jerries Plains and on to the Royal Hotel at Denman. As predicted, Moey had arrived only moments earlier. “Here’s that money I owe you Unky Momo” said Lucky bowing graciously and handing over a crisp twenty.

“Just as well Lucky. I’d hate to have to chase you for it.”

“No no Unky Momo, a Gentleman’s Agreement is bindering”

“Binding Lucky”

At this point an ashen faced Boris made a startling announcement. “Chaps, you wont believe this but my dungarees appear to have filled with water!!”

“Blimey!!” exclaimed Rocky. “Problems with the down-unders then old mate?”

“No no of course not Rocky. Dont be absurd old boy. All’s well in that department I assure you. It’s these blasted plastic pants. They leak like the Titanic’s portholes! I’ll be sluicing around in these for the rest of the trip I suppose. Blasted nuisance but there you are.” and, with that stoicism and pants as full as a Catholic school, he waded towards the front bar.

Lunch at Denman was the usual carnage with a beer and then it was off to Bylong. “Go ride-leader Lucky.”  “You’re the best ride-leader Lucky” Lucky thought he heard them all say as he steered them on. They didn’t say that. Mind you, about fifty metres from the Bylong servo Ol’ Sir Fallapart went roaring and farting past ride-leader Lucky. “That rude behaviour will not be tolerated!” said Lucky more to himself than anyone else but he gave Moey a bit of a scowl when he thought Moey wasn’t looking.

Arriving at Bylong for wees and coffee, Moey then suggested they ride a new section of road that ran directly from Bylong to Mudgee called Wollar Rd. “So long as I remain ride-leader.” said Lucky. It was very good and saved about twenty minutes which would have given them all more time to listen to Lucky’s very interesting conversations when they got there. That didn’t happen. At around 4.30 they pulled into the Winning post and went off to their rooms to shower and whatnot, leaving Lucky without an audience, then met down at the bar a bit later.

“Right lads, we’re off to Kelly’s Pub for libations.” Said Boris, now sporting a clean and dry bottom. Rocky cheered heartily and we were off. We had a few but nothing silly and then headed back to the motel restaurant for some pretty decent meals topped off with a delightful Pinot Noir.

And then the conversation took an interesting turn. Moey and Lucky recalled that, at the Knickerbocker Hotel on the last ride, there had been an incident. Nige and Lucky had been having a fairly animated discussion on words that describe sounds. Onomatopoeia. After giving several examples, splash, grind, gulp, swallow etc. and other equally unsavoury examples, Nige made his first mistake. “Dip”. Lucky roared with laughter knowing he had his friend at checkmate. But Nige was unshakeable.

“Dip is a good example of onomatopoeia and you know it Lucky!”

“No it’s not Nige and dipping your chin when you say it doesn’t make it Onomatopoeic!.”

“I’m not dipping my chin.” said Nige dipping his chin.

“You just did it again!”

“Did not!”

“Did so!”

And so the argument continued to the cheers of drunken onlookers who had by now formed a throng around the two literary dimwits. Heated discussions among the crowd led to fists being thrown and revellers tumbling out onto the footpaths. Many screamed incoherent curses of denials whilst others frantically dipped their chins in a macabre dance of maniacal zeal.

“Oh yeah I remember that” said Moey ” Did Nige ever concede?” he asked giggling over his Campari and soda.

“He found some list from some lunatic who had the word dip as an example of onomatopoeia and texted it to me a few days later.” Lucky laughed, uncontrollably, squirting Shirley Temple out of his nose. “But I ignored him.” Both agreed Bathurst was a hoot and that was that.

 

“Righto gentlemen, a wonderful story and I have fond recollections of that ride but now shall we adjourn to the bar for whisky and cigars?” Boris had all the right moves. There was more cheering from Rocky plus American Honeys all round. The foursome was asked politely to leave at 10.

The rooms were very spacious and all slept soundly. Any snoring was muffled by the thick double-bricked walls separating the rooms. “Even Nige couldn’t get a bad room here.” Said Lucky happily next morning. “Yes he could.” replied Moey and we all smiled quietly at the thought of that.

Breakfast was the usual buffet style that you get at good Hotels and it was deeeeelicious and well priced. From here we set off to the Museum at Stein’s Winery. It was pretty good and had about twenty vintage bikes lined up. Boris and Rocky were very happy to see bikes older than they were I suppose and a few, Like the AJS and Vincent, were “Particularly pleasing” to both of them.

After this we headed for home. “More fabulous leading ride-leader Lucky” Lucky would have liked to have heard but didn’t. “You seemed to get faster as we got nearer home. Like some demented pony at a riding school” Boris said later and laughed at his own simile. Rocky cheered some more. “Well said old chap” and then guffawed at Lucky who, confused about what Boris had said, turned to Moey. “They think I did a great job as ride-leader didn’t they Moey?”

“We all thought the same thing Lucky.” which satisfied Lucky to some degree.

They then headed back along the same stretch of road and had a quick stop at Bylong. From there they headed around the back of Denman and through the farms so Rocky could enjoy about 400 metres of dirt road on his Beemer which handled it all “in a very unfussed way” Moey’s Ol’ Sir Fallapart rattled along without too much going on or falling off so he was happy enough too. A quick stop at Broke and back to Jerrys for hugs. All in all it was a good ride. Muffled cheers from Rocky’s helmet as he rode off for home. “Huzzahh!!!”