NIGE Motorcycle Club

And so it was raining. Nothing new about that. So there we were all draped in gladwrap. The MotoGp ride was on again and this time we headed west again for the first time ever to Bathurst and the Knickerbocker….again. Nige, Lucky, Mohawke, Sideways, and Black Santa. All with varying degrees of permission from wives. So much love in amongst the skinny cappucinos and butterscotch lates. “haven’t seen youse forever old chums” etc and other one-step-short-of-gender-confusion cuddles and we were off. Did I mention the rain? It rained. All the way to Bylong. Then it stopped. Then it got cold. We all shivered a bit and were pretty sooky by the time we stopped at Rylstone.

“Do something Black Santa” we all pleaded. ” This wevver is unpossible” said Lucky the Advanced English HSC teacher.

“Now fellas the good lord knows his business and it will turn out to be a dead set ripper of a day.” but Black Santa was wrong. It got a bit colder. “I love the rain, it invigorates me” said Sideways which surprised us all.

Sideways kickin it old school after a double mochachino.

Anyway we finally made our way into Bathurst with all the usual confusion about which streets to take to get round the back of the pub. We’ve only been here about a thousand times. It’s like two turns.

Now, because we were all so cold 80% of the gang thought it a good idea to shower up and meet at the bar in twenny. Except for Nige, “Hey youse blokes I’m still the president heya and demand you drink heavily alongside me whilst I tell youse how I love Markeeeeee way more that any of youse. Youse can knock one over or whatever in the showers later. Don’t test me or there’s gonna be tahwubble”

Twenty minutes later, after a delightful shower, we returned to find Nige still berating us. “….. and I expect nuffing but honor and respect and obedience from youse all and did I mention how much I love Markeeeeeee way more than any of youse. Somebody buy me a XXXX Gold. Thanking youse!!!” Strangely, by this stage Nige was sitting apart from the other patrons who had gathered waaaaay over the other side of the bar area and seemed overly interested in their half-empty glasses and mumbling something about not making eye-contact with the ‘angry man’.

A bunch of what we assumed to be uni student girls were dressed up as pirates and some of them were wanting photos with them on top of a pyramid of gentlemen from around the bar. Now Lucky was not aware that pirates wore fish net stockings and asked Moey if they were real pirates, “Well Luckmeister, think about it, where would they park their pirate ship in Bathurst.” and Black Santa added, “They’re just brazen hussies Lucky. Don’t pay them no nevermind. I’m right aren’t I Sideways?” But Sideways and Moey were by now already forming the base of a pretty dodgy looking pyramid and Sideways was pushing for innovation so Moey had to sort him out. “You have to face downwards Bobby or the girls wont climb on”

It took some time and a bit of scrapping around for white tee shirts but we finally put together a pretty fair effort. That’s Sideways in the pink. He’s really strong.

You know how Moey’s bike is really old right? We’ve talked about that in the past. Well his right side crankcase cover was metal on metal when he pulled it apart to check some kind of noise he was unsure of. “Last time I replaced my fiddliochronogizmeechain I’m sure I gave the mechanics at Chuckawaythegaskets in Newcastle a brand new gasket after they finished fitting the swazneebocker back on. Its a real mystery what they did with it.” So there he was sitting in the dirt at the back of the pub worrying what might become of him if old Fallapart couldn’t make the trip home. “Fellas we might have to go home through Lithgow and stay on the big road just in case the worst should happen” said Moey. Nige pointed out that, as per club policy subsection 12.7a “..All riders and especially Moey and his shitbox Kawasaki must travel on roads where no help at all is available and, wherever possible, be out of phone tower range” So no joy there for Moey. “Look old mate, if worst comes to worst one of us will double you home and send help back for whatever’s left of Ol’ Fallapart. How’s that?” Nige offered whilst we all giggled behind our hands. Except for DD who thought the offer was genuine. “So Lucky, are we going to share the responsibilies between us on who carries Brian and what about his luggage? Brian’s luggage lucky. How will we disperse it equally? I don’t want the part with his underpants in it!” Things were getting a bit out of control by this point so we all ate ice creams to calm down.

“You know what Dave, when we get home I’m gonna install an ice cream holder on my handlebars and eat these wherever I go. And I’ll get a blue one for the Klunker.”

Our usual ride around on Sunday just didn’t happen because it was too cold and there was only a slim hope that Moey might make it back anyway. Instead we went for a little wander around the town and discovered there was at least another road away from the Knickerbocker with shops on it. “Who’d have guessed this Nige?” said Lucky, “Why, we’re like Columbus or Captain Cook or…or.. or General Pants and other great explorers!” Lucky also teaches Senior History. Meanwhile Black Santa toddled off to church. “I think it was for the three free wishes you get there.” said Lucky the former Religion teacher. “That must be where they keep the Genie!!”

And the race was on. Because we had watched the earlier races and tried some new drinks or because we were all so concerned about Moey’s issues, tee hee, we didn’t have our usual bets on who would win and placegetters etc. Of course Nige was all “I’m the only one allowed to bet on Markeeeee because I love him so much.” and we were all, “Whatever you want Mr Atrill because we have nothing but respect for your position as club president.” (You know…until The Supreme Ruler of the Universe and its Environs stages another coup.) Markeeee fell off and Nige thought that was a real bummer, “That’s a real bummer” he said and switched off the set. We never found out who won.

“Markee didn’t win David. Select a random member of the club and kill him please.”

Monday Morning was nice. At the Knickerbocker, breakfast is included in the price. You have a wide selection to choose from but you only get the one meal the Polish lady cooks for you all. It’s a plate piled high with a potpourri of carnage: bacon, sausages, eggs, and other stuff. We tried for a variety of how to get the eggs cooked but no luck there either. Although she seemed friendly I think we were all a bit worried about ending up in the gulag so we just ate without complaint. Nige thought she was wonderful.

Lucky had ordered Eggs Benedict with Smoked Salmon. Disappointed? I think so.

Despite Moey’s misgivings we made it safely back to Gerry’s for some awkward man-love moments and a nice coffee. I don’t know if Moey actually made it all the way home from there but ah well.